This is My Mum

❤️ This is my Mum ❤️

Although I don't often share deeply personal stories that are still happening as I heal, I am called today to share this with you all.

This is something I have been working through for the past six years but more so in the past 6 months.

My Mum is the gift I am giving to all of you.

She is sick with a terminal brain disease known as PPA. A very rare form of dementia. She is only 65. She can no longer read or write, can’t talk, she struggles to walk, falls often and the end phase of her life is approaching.

She needs supervision 24-7.

We have no idea how long she will be with us, She is deteriorating quicker than we thought and since being separated from family for so long it has massively impacted her disease progression.

As it is for every human, my mum isn't perfect. She made some decisions in her life that ended in some unfortunate consequences. I left home at 16 and carried a lot of resentment towards her for a long time and we went a few years without speaking because of it. I held childhood trauma, was angry, hurt, upset and was triggered by her behaviour. I suffered with an eating disorder since 12 I blamed on her.

I realised when I went on a journey of forgiveness, self-discovery, healing, spirituality (which is still ongoing), that I could heal my relationship with my Mum.

Because I worked on healing myself!

2 Years ago I cared for her and it nearly broke me. Tested everything I had but taught me the most powerful lessons. I wish I could just breathe her in one last time, hear her laugh, hold her hand or hear her say I love you.

Being separated, unable to travel prevents this. Helplessness. Grief. Watching someone slip away virtually to the most awful disease.

I love her without question, without bitterness, regrets or time I didn’t spend loving her unconditionally or healing myself.

This is the most emotional, heart-wrenching thing to witness. Some days it tears me apart. Other days I am grateful, beyond blessed I had a Mum, I see this as an opportunity and to be growing through such a difficult time.

My Mum is and always has been one of my biggest spiritual teachers.

In this heart-ache she gives me a gift, she provides me with powerful lessons on how I can show up every single day. How I treat people around me, how I coach clients, how I talk, how I show up in the world and how I love. How I lean into the discomfort, how helplessness teaches me love towards myself. To sit in compassion for self, loving kindness and the most important part of death is life.

💕LOVE AND PRESENCE ALWAYS💕

Love with all your heart, love unconditionally and without expectations. Value the present moment more than anything, embrace it, you cannot change what is going to happen tomorrow, or worry about what is coming next week or next year.

I hope this inspires you today to live life in the here and now.

Charlotte xx